Honestly I had to think long and hard about where to start this - keep in mind that I’m running on barely any sleep, so please bear with me while I stumble over myself occasionally, and excuse any typos that I'll make, since I’ll probably not catch them. Also do keep in mind that I'm not giving grammar lessons here, this is simply on wording and making things a bit more cohesive. So, without further wait, let's begin!
Building a sentence
elaboration; it needs to mesh, and flow
So, to start off with, we'll use a basic example:elaboration; it needs to mesh, and flow
"He tossed his shirt on the floor."
On its own, this sentence is clear, concise, and to the point, but it’s not complete! it’s a fragment! On its own, the sentence works, but without a little embellishment, it’s going to sit awkwardly in your emote, and not show any emotion or anything. So, how should we improve this, you might ask? Well, let me give you another example of how we could improve this to give it more feeling to it.
"Having had a long day, Paul was all too happy to be home. Pushing into his bedroom, Paul stumbled to make his way to the bed. He tossed his shirt on the floor. After taking a few minutes to finally breath, Paul laid back, trying to fall asleep"
This is better in the sense that it shows you exactly what Paul is doing, and that might be enough for you - but there’s no depth. This emote still feels a tad awkward and feels almost lifeless, no heart, no pulse. It’s a string of words that’s completely readable, but isn’t beautiful or gripping. Reading that, I honestly don’t want to know more, because I just assume Paul is tired.
So the problem is that there’s no build to this sentence, you’ve taken the bare bricks and shoved them together, but you haven’t made them stick. He tossed his shirt on the floor; it’s just sitting there, doing nothing for the person reading your emote. Elaborate, make it gripping, make that shirt important, make the action important. How did he take off his shirt? Why did he take off his shirt? Where did it land? Leaving the rest of the mundane post as is, if you focus your energy on that one action, amd change the entire flow. Let me show you...
Upset
"Having had a long day, Paul was all too happy to be home. Pushing into his bedroom, Paul stumbled to make his way to the bed. With a heavy sigh, the man brought his hands to peel the fabric from his body, jaw clenched as he tossed his shirt on the floor; having little concern for where it landed. After taking a few minutes to finally breath, Paul laid back, trying to fall asleep"
Clearly, something is bothering him; which makes the the person you are rping with (in most cases) interested, and possibly trying to find out what is wrong.
Exhausted
"Having had a long day, Paul was all too happy to be home. Pushing into his bedroom, Paul stumbled to make his way to the bed. A low growl passed his chapped lips while pulling the sweat drenched jersey from his form, his arms trembling while tossing it to the ground, too tired to throw it in the hamper. After taking a few minutes to finally breath, Paul laid back, trying to fall asleep."
This can lead people to wondering why he's so tired. Sports, maybe? This is also good in the sense that it refers back to your character's past actions that can hint at why they might be tired, and can add quite a bit to the depth of the RP.
Drunk
"Having had a long day, Paul was all too happy to be home. Pushing into his bedroom, Paul stumbled to make his way to the bed. With knees like jello, the man had a hard time finding enough balance to pull the stained shirt from his form too lazily throw it aside, grimacing when it landed on the bed rather than the floor. After taking a few minutes to finally breath, Paul laid back, trying to fall asleep."
While its not obvious that Paul is drunk, it does allude to something being off here and might lead to someone figuring out what's up with Paul, or why he decided to get drunk.
Elaboration is a great thing; it helps bring heart into an emote, keeping it from just laying lifeless on the floor.
How to bring life to an emote without drowning it in detail and why being simple is better than being overdone.
There’s something to be said about vivid detail, it can be absolutely enthralling, but just like with everything, it’s only appreciated in moderation. Too much of a good thing is never - well, never really a good thing at all. You shouldn't think that you need embellish every emotee you write, because then you end up boring the person your rping with, especially if you use strange, long words for EVERY bit of detail. Nobody wants to read an entire paragraph about Paul taking off his shirt. Nobody. Unless it’s smut, then maybe it’s acceptable.
The fact is, you need to be wary about where you add detail, and where you don't need to. If you're doing a quick rp, then perhaps you can hold back on the detail. But if you're doing something more serious, or if you're trying to set the mood of your character, then full steam ahead! Just remember: Moderation is key.
Said is Dead
But how did they say it?
That's right folks. Said is dead. But how did they say it?
Its easy to simply say your characters 'said' something without any emotion behind it. Here recently, I've been trying to kick the habit, and use other words inplace of 'said' to describe the emotion or way it was said to better show my characters emotions or feelings. So, how can you replace 'said'? Well, I composed a short list to help you out here
Was it said...
Normally?
-reported
-spoke
-remarked
-stated
-added
-commented
As a question?
-Inquired
-questioned
-asked
-begged
-requested
As an awnser?
-awnsered
-replied
-explained
-acknowledged
Happily?
-Laughed
-Joked
-sang
-cheered
-chimed
-beamed
-giggled
-smirked
Loudly?
-shouted
-belted
-yelled
-boomed
-screamed
-explained
-called
-exclaimed
Full of Worry?
-quaked
-trembled
-stammered
-gulped
-chattered
Angrily?
-demanded
-hissed
-sneered
-ranted
-barked
-roared
-fumed
-grunted
Bossily?
-commanded
-ordered
-dictated
-insisted
Sadly?
-cried
-sobbed
-groaned
-whined
-bawled
Quietly?
-mumbled
-muttered
-whispered
Thats all for now. I'll add more in once I think of more stuff to add in. So far, I think I have a decent amount and I hope it'll help you all out when it comes to rping!